Ep. 14 – Navigating Togetherness: The Hidden Dynamics of Couples in Cars

Car rides are never just about transportation; they're relationship microcosms that reveal our communication patterns, preferences, and ability to compromise in confined spaces.

• Different preferences for car rides (silence vs. music, sightseeing vs. destination-focused)
• The anxiety of watching someone drive while looking at you instead of the road
• Why having arguments in cars is problematic—there's literally no escape
• The challenge of communicating needs without creating tension
• How GPS technology saved relationships from navigation-related arguments
• The lost tradition of Sunday drives and how family time in cars has changed
• Why deep conversations should generally be avoided while driving
• The importance of understanding your partner's preferences during car rides
• Car rides as a "sitcom episode" with unpredictable moments and humor
• The average person spends 61 minutes daily in a car—making it significant relationship time

If you have anything to add or a question you want to ask us, please drop us a message.

We’d love to hear from you!
Have a question, comment, episode idea, or answers to our latest question? Send us an email at cautionaheadpod@gmail.com . We read every message — and who knows, you might even get a shoutout! 

Transcript

Introduction and Random Question

Speaker 1 0:02

welcome back to caution ahead, where I'm scott and I'm angie and we're opposites trying to just well make life, marriage, parenting, all those good things work without say, you know, switching my wife's hot and cold water lines on her sink or shaving your spouse's eyebrows while they're sleeping. That's terrible. All right, all right. Enough said, it's time for the random question of the week. No prep, just answers. Are you ready, ange? I ask you every time if you're ready.

Speaker 2 0:42

Yes, as ready as I will ever be.

Speaker 1 0:48

All right, I'm going first. What's a song you think would be pure torture if it was played non-stop on repeat?

Speaker 2 0:56

well, it's got to be one of your like old songs that you used to listen to, like your metal, because you, you know you used to listen to like heavy metal kind of music. No, it was not heavy metal for me it would be one of them, or maybe, maybe something really depressing, but I have no idea.

Speaker 1 1:14

Okay, give me some songs you still listen to home, sweet home home, sweet home it would be motley crew I don't even know how that goes oh my goodness, so you can't think of a song no, I mean I would definitely say it's one of those genres. I mean it would definitely be a heavy metal, like death kind of music okay that would drive me crazy I think the barney song non-stop would be just I could handle that.

Speaker 2 1:44

No, it never ends. No, I could handle, I think I could handle that.

Speaker 1 1:48

Okay, so you have no real answer.

Speaker 2 1:51

Well, I mean, you'd have to give me, you have to pick a song.

Speaker 1 1:54

I don't really any song. Pick a song you don't like and boom, that's it.

Speaker 2 2:00

Well, I know there was that one Evanescence song you used to listen to back in the day.

Speaker 1 2:05

Yeah, Bring Me to Life.

Speaker 2 2:07

Oh yeah, it just sounded depressing to me.

Speaker 1 2:10

So that, okay, yeah, we're good with it.

Speaker 2 2:12

So yeah, okay, now you're up. What do you feel is the perfect age, and why?

Speaker 1 2:20

33. Why? Uh-huh? Well, because you are still fairly young enough to be physically fit, but old enough to know the wisdom do you know?

Speaker 2 2:35

they used to be said that men didn't grow up till they were 40 well, I was an early developer says who says me Well, I was an early developer Says who.

Car Rides: Pure Enjoyment or Pure Anxiety?

Speaker 1 2:46

Says me Today's conversation. It's all about car rides Basically. Here's what I think. I think car rides can be a source of pure enjoyment. Whether you're enjoying the drive, the music, the drive should be enjoyable. It's all about that experience.

Speaker 2 3:08

Yeah, depending on where you're driving, of course.

Speaker 1 3:11

What do you think?

Speaker 2 3:14

Am I riding or am I driving?

Speaker 1 3:17

Either one.

Speaker 2 3:18

Okay, I would say, as long as I'm out on a country road, with no time I have to be somewhere, yeah, pure enjoyment. But if I'm driving in a big city, pure anxiety, so different story.

Speaker 1 3:40

All right, warning people. I'm giving you this warning so you know, once you're on the road, there's no escape. So choose your words wisely.

Speaker 2 3:52

You mean if you're with someone.

Speaker 1 3:53

Well, of course.

Speaker 2 3:54

Versus just yourself.

Speaker 1 3:56

Well, I mean if you're by yourself and you're having an argument with yourself. I think there's other issues, yourself, I think there's other issues. As we were preparing for this episode, I remembered my very first experience in a car with you driving.

Speaker 2 4:18

With me driving yeah.

Speaker 1 4:20

We were just dating. We got into your little white car, my Dodge Aries. Your Dodge Aries and you were going down. I think we were going to see your family yeah, your brother's baseball game or something.

Speaker 2 4:30

I know where this story's going and I get in and I'm all excited.

Speaker 1 4:33

I'm going to see this wonderful girl's family. We start driving and it's okay in town. We leave town and you're talking and you keep looking at me as you're talking. You're not watching the road, You're not watching where you're going and I'm just like what is this girl doing? And the music gets a bumping away, but you're still chatting and talking with me.

Speaker 1 4:53

I was holding the handle putting the death grip on like, oh my goodness, I'm going to die and you can't say anything. We were just starting to date. You can't say, good Lord, watch the road Right, you're going to kill us all, I was actually a good driver. Really.

Speaker 2 5:12

Well, I didn't really ever get many tickets or anything.

Speaker 1 5:16

And that's what quantifies a good driver.

Speaker 2 5:19

Well, to my credit, the Dodge Aries wasn't going to hurt you.

Speaker 1 5:28

It wasn't the Aries I was worried about, it was the ditch, the tree, the other vehicles, as you were looking at me to see my facial reactions to your stories.

The Infamous First Drive Story

Speaker 2 5:38

I think you overreacted a little bit. You think so?

Speaker 1 5:44

But this podcast is not about driving skill. It's about what happens in the car when you get with your spouse, your date or whatnot. A lot of stuff. Good things can happen. A lot of bad things can also happen, and I learned that real quickly this one time we were driving and conversation was not going how I thought it should. What's the polite way to say that we were having a small disagreement?

Speaker 2 6:14

Maybe you could say it was a spirited conversation.

Speaker 1 6:21

Okay, I get it. We were having a spirited conversation and, to this day, I have no idea what we were having this conversation about. However, we were driving and having a spirited conversation and driving is probably not the best thing to do, so I thought I'm going to pull over on this side road, which then you did something that I totally did not expect and to this day, I'm still kind of shocked that you did it. We pull over, we stop. I thought we were going to have this discussion and you get out and start walking. We are in the middle of nowhere. I'm like where is she going? I mean, is she walking back to town, which is, like you know, eight miles?

Speaker 2 7:08

I don't even remember when this happened or where we stopped and where were we.

Speaker 1 7:13

We were right next to this old abandoned cemetery, out in the middle of nowhere in the side road. You know, because in the country you come across these cemeteries they're still there from like an old church or something that used to be there. It was like an old little sidewalk and I just pulled in there so we could talk. Don't know why we stopped there, but you just get out and you start walking away like I'm not dealing with you yeah, I was probably just needing a mental a break break.

Speaker 2 7:40

So I learned because, honestly, if you're, if you're having a little debate in the vehicle, there's really no getting out of it unless you just, you know, open your door while you're, while the person's driving, right, you know, I, I probably just needed to have a little mental break to kind of collect myself and my thoughts, and at the time it wasn't going anywhere. So I mean, the the conversation wasn't no, it was not so I mean anywhere good at that point.

Speaker 2 8:12

So and I just needed, um, probably needed a little time out, yeah, so I put myself in it I mean, who's not been in the vehicle?

Speaker 1 8:24

and you're on the way somewhere. They always say you're going to church and you're having this huge argument. And you get to church and you're like oh how you doing. Oh, great, great, great.

Speaker 2 8:33

We just got out of the car screaming and yelling at each other. Yeah, but how many people actually say that? No one. That's the point.

Speaker 1 8:40

No one says that. But it happens to everyone. It has to. Oh, no one says that but it happens to everyone.

Speaker 2 8:45

It has to. Oh, there's a lot of people that sure play the part that they don't, though.

Speaker 1 8:49

Right, of course, like we never argue, we're like well, then Play it very well. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't agree on everything. Right there has to be, you know. I guess their point is they might disagree, but they don't argue.

Speaker 2 9:02

Yeah I, they might disagree, but they don't argue. Yeah, I mean, I don't think back.

Speaker 1 9:10

Then we disagreed in a healthy way? Not at all.

Speaker 2 9:12

No, we just disagreed. There's definitely a different way to fight.

Speaker 1 9:16

Yes, agreed.

Speaker 2 9:18

Or have a spirited conversation.

Speaker 1 9:21

But through the years we've learned that that's probably not the best location to have. That conversation is in the car. Now can a lot of good conversations happen in the car? Of course they can. Of course they can, you know. And good music, all kinds of stuff adds to the enjoyment of the ride. However, we don't always agree on those terms. Terms yeah Radio, no radio, no radio conversation, no conversation. Type of music type of music you name it what to do?

Speaker 2 9:54

windows down, windows up exactly, exactly yeah, we pretty much have different things we want almost every time we drive yeah.

Speaker 1 10:05

Are the vent blowing on you or not? On you or blowing on me?

Speaker 1 10:10

Cold air or yeah so but the point is is we were driving and we drive all the time. I mean, it's just the way it is and we've learned each other's nuances, so to speak. Angie likes to enjoy the ride, she likes to look around. No radio, she likes to think, she likes it as silence Me, I like the radio, I use it as a time to just, you know, learn things, maybe a podcast here or there, or good music, whatnot. Just the other day we got in the vehicle and started driving and I go, oh, she must want silence and quiet. So we're driving along, radio's off, angie's just sitting there, quiet as could be, and you know I'm thinking, jeez, I wonder what she did today. I don't know, got to be quiet because she wants her quiet time.

Speaker 2 11:01

What were you thinking? Well, we had talked a little bit before that about your day, okay. And then it got quiet and I kind of was thinking like sure, it would be nice if you asked me about my day. And then I kind of just was stubborn, just kind of waited to see if you were going to talk to me, basically if you were going to start up the conversation, if you were going to start up the conversation.

Speaker 1 11:39

I wasn't because. I was operating under the premise that you wanted the quiet drive, and at what point I'm trying to remember what happened. Did you say? Are you going to ask me how my day went?

Speaker 2 11:45

No, I think we were going out to eat. I think it was at the restaurant where we kind of started talking about the day and I said, oh, I was waiting for you to ask me that in the car or something like that. I mean, it was probably kind of a test in a way. You know, a test in that I was probably waiting for you to ask me how my day was and kind of challenging you on that in my head. But you know, I mean, believe it or not, um, men and women, even if they're married a long time, they still test each other in different ways.

Speaker 2 12:25

So I guess in that case we were to sort of make the other person yeah actually I wasn't probably trying to make you happy, but but I was failing your test so you know from I told I don't know if you remember, but I told you from now on I need to have like a button in the vehicle where I push it on if it's okay to talk to me. Yeah like a little flip single. I mean men probably really wish women had that.

Speaker 1 13:01

Yeah, I mean straightforward, like hey, let's have some conversation, hey, let's not have any conversation.

Speaker 2 13:06

Because I mean, like honestly, we expect guys to read our minds. I mean, we expect you to know when to talk to us, when not to talk to us, what to talk to us about, how to speak that to us and all the things.

Speaker 1 13:22

Yes, so in that case, yeah, that was kind of it was funny at the end when we kind of discussed how I was just giving you your quiet time because that's what you like.

Different Driving Preferences

Speaker 2 13:34

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Scott, do you see drives as leisure or get to your destination? Like the goal of the destination.

Speaker 1 13:50

Well, most of the time it's to get to the destination, because usually when we get in the vehicle we have a destination. Although most of the time it's to get to the destination, because usually when we get in the vehicle we have a destination, Although there's times when it's about the drive and I really do enjoy about the drive, yeah, but probably you know, probably 80% of our drives there's a destination already designed.

Speaker 2 14:07

Yeah, I mean, I would say too, it probably depends on the vehicle we're driving. For example, I mean we have a convertible, obviously. I mean you do know that.

Speaker 1 14:19

I do.

Speaker 2 14:20

And I mean, obviously it's more fun to take that for a car ride when it's nice out and have, you know, the top down and you know then like our other vehicle.

Speaker 1 14:32

Yeah, you know, I mean it's kind of more leisure, I would say then yeah, but we've taken drives in the other vehicle when it's raining, just to hear the rain. Yeah, yeah, we wouldn't take the convertible because you know, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:43

So I mean, I guess my point on that is a lot of times we have like a little destination, like coffee shop or ice cream or something, and we take the convertible. And it's what's ironic with that is you like to have the music blaring because you know it's convertible and you know it's like the joyride? I still want the music. Most of the time I want the music off because I like to hear the birds, and not that you can hear them if you're going fast, but you know, typically I like nature so I like to take it all in, you know without music.

Speaker 2 15:19

I know so, hence why we ended up with that issue where I had no music on and you wanted to have conversation yeah, but it's always kind of a guessing game as to what I want I think I think we have summed up a lot right there. Yeah, I mean. Okay, speaking of leisure rides, did you ever go cruising in high school?

Speaker 1 15:45

Yeah, we kind of did cruising. It wasn't that big of a thing in our town. It wasn't that big of a thing in our town. There was like a little square kind of a. It wasn't a square like in kind of you know some cities. There was a few blocks that were one way that kind of made a square and you could go cruise around the one ways.

Speaker 2 16:05

Yeah.

Speaker 1 16:05

But it was kind of dull it was really more of a social thing.

Speaker 2 16:08

I think back then I mean we had it. It was a big thing where I came from, but yeah it was. It was really just a social hangout, basically, um, yeah, but anyway, getting back to the, the leisure drives, yeah, I'm, I'm one I don't always like to have. I mean, yes, you pretty much always have a destination, but I really like to go on nice rides a lot of times and I like to look around at, you know, the trees and, like you know, there's people that go on rides in, like the fall, to see the leaves changing color on the trees and things, and yeah, I think it's nice.

Speaker 1 16:54

Yeah, even if I'm driving, I like to drive and look at everything can you explain how you do that, because I know when I drive and look I'm very gifted with that oh is that? That's how we're gonna frame this you're gifted um. Should we go back to frame this? You're gifted. Should we go back to the beginning? Of how the story started and I clinched the handles.

Speaker 2 17:20

Oh yeah, Well, we won't talk about some of your incidents, no no, I look around too and I get yelled at.

Speaker 1 17:29

When I say yelled at, I don't mean yelled at. I get reminded from you that I'm driving.

Speaker 2 17:34

Yeah, on occasion, if you really scare me, I might raise my voice.

Speaker 1 17:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2 17:38

Like there have been some occasions I've had to there has Especially with deer that jump out or things like that. But yeah, I feel like people kind of they kind of take driving for granted. I mean I feel like back kind of take driving for granted. I mean I feel like back in the day people used to go on Sunday drives. I don't know if you ever did growing up.

Speaker 1 18:04

No, we didn't. We had a boat, so our Sunday drive was in a boat. Yeah Well, it's kind of the same.

Sunday Drives: A Lost Tradition

Speaker 2 18:11

No, but I mean it used to be back. I was kind of looking it up because I was curious when this all started and sunday drives were a novelty in the 20s and 30s so it was like kind of a special thing, like an unusual thing, more in the 20s and 30s, obviously, and then more prevalent in the 50s and 60s and then the 70s, but really kind of became more of a thing then where you, you know, typically back then you would go to church and then you would have a large family lunch and then typically then go on a car ride to nowhere in the afternoon, so not necessarily a destination, you know, but there was just. It was just a casual, slow ride to kind of take in the scenery. And now I feel like everybody's in such a rush to go everywhere and nobody really takes those sunday drives or, you know, thursday evening drives whatever it is, you know, do you?

Speaker 1 19:20

do you think so, though? I'm just I was listening to your, your timelines. Do you think that has anything to do with the oil prices? That, yeah, crazy during was it yeah? Was it the early 70s? The oil embargo whenever that happened and the gas prices skyrocketed.

Speaker 2 19:36

That would kind of end sunday car rides actually I had read that basically after, basically in this, like after 2000 is actually when um car right like sunday drive started diminishing oh, really, so they still existed the whole time up until then?

Speaker 1 19:55

yeah, I mean.

Speaker 2 19:56

I do. But the thing being was a was the oil prices, the gas prices, yeah, but I don't think really. Personally, I don't think it really has a lot to do with that, or maybe I think there's a lot more to it. Put it it that way, I mean you have the fallout of the family since the 70s. Families have been very broken since then. So large families they may exist, they may be in different cities, now they aren't always living in the same area. I just think there's a lot more to it than just the gas prices yeah, and families are going in 50,000 different directions.

Speaker 2 20:38

Well, I mean, now you have like on Sundays you have sport, like you have soccer games on Sundays and practices, and back in the day, Sunday was kind of a day just to just to rest, you know.

Speaker 1 20:58

Yeah, so I know, I did look up a fact for you. I thought you'd like it. I felt pretty excited when I looked it up. Do you know how much time an average person spends in a car, driving daily?

Speaker 2 21:07

um, well, obviously that would vary. Well it's, uh, I would Maybe two or three hours.

Speaker 1 21:16

Oh wow, it was 61 minutes.

Speaker 2 21:19

Oh, okay. Well, that would all depend on where they work and you know how many kids they have in sports. And I mean I'm thinking of, like you know, a mom, for example, like maybe a mom that works, goes to work, comes home later, has to take the kids to practice, so I mean I would say two hours isn't really unrealistic, no, it's not, but that's a lot of time.

Speaker 1 21:43

Take them to school sometimes you know that's a lot of time in the vehicle.

Speaker 2 21:48

Yeah, but it's not leisure time most of the time. No, it's not it's most of the time it's errands and you know, and probably fighting with everybody in the vehicle because it's a stressful time.

Speaker 1 22:00

You know?

Speaker 2 22:01

yes, so it does happen for myself, I would say I'm team sightsee team sightsee.

Speaker 1 22:10

What am I? I want to be on a team I mean as far as driving goes.

Speaker 2 22:15

I'm, I'm the sightsee queen.

Speaker 1 22:18

Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 22:18

I could be a tour guide.

Speaker 1 22:21

Maybe I know what you cannot be is the navigator. No no, unless it's the.

Why Deep Conversations and Driving Don't Mix

Speaker 2 22:28

No and actually yeah. That also brings up another point. If you want to avoid a spirited conversation with your person, if you know they're not good at navigating, don't delegate that to them.

Speaker 1 22:42

Oh, my goodness, I am so happy that GPS has come along, since we were driving and had to use maps and whatnot.

Speaker 2 22:50

Yeah, we don't get along so well when I'm trying to navigate.

Speaker 1 22:56

Because it's just if we miss the exit, then it's not that big a deal. It really isn't. We've learned that, but in the day it seemed like a pretty big deal if you missed your turn. Now there's just recomputing where. Gps just recomputes it. It's no big deal. But if we missed it, it was like okay, now what do you do?

Speaker 2 23:17

Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 1 23:18

Yeah.

Speaker 2 23:18

But if we missed it, it was like, okay, now what do you do? Yeah, it's true.

Speaker 1 23:20

Yeah, I mean, I would say there's certain situations that you should try to avoid with your person in the vehicle and I would say having a deep conversation in the car is probably not the best location.

Speaker 2 23:36

No.

Speaker 1 23:37

Especially if there's children in the car. Yeah, yeah, but let's just say you know you want to have a deep conversation. The car is the worst position for it and I thought about this. Why is it terrible? Well, because you can't get away and take a break.

Speaker 2 23:53

Yeah, and I would also say too and deep conversation is not always arguing, I mean, sometimes it's just that it's a deep conversation, you know, but it's not only that you can't, you know, take a little time out, it's that you're essentially just distracting the driver. I mean, you know. Seriously, though, if I'm having a very deep conversation with the driver and I'm expecting them to pay full attention to me and answer my questions in my time frame, or you know and if they're not, then I might get upset it's just probably not the wisest time to do that.

Speaker 1 24:40

Yeah, and I just thought of something that probably makes a lot more sense now. You know, when I was younger and we were driving with my parents or whatnot, and they were trying to figure out where to go, they would always reach up and turn the radio down. I'm like excuse me, I'm listening to that Like, what does turning the radio down affect how you're driving? Well, I think you just, you just hit it, oh it was distracting and they turn all that noise down so they could focus on the road.

Speaker 2 25:08

But I was like maybe, maybe you were trying to sing I was definitely not trying to sing.

Speaker 1 25:15

I was was not gifted with a voice for singing, but that's my point.

Speaker 2 25:22

Maybe they were like uh.

Speaker 1 25:25

No, they probably corrected that long before I can ever remember. Yeah. So what's our big takeaways for today's podcast? I would say a car ride. It's never just a car ride. It should be about more, whether it's the communication, listening to the music, but it's also a test of patience.

Speaker 2 25:51

Yes, I would agree with you on all of that, Scott. Mainly, I would say, just use caution while you're driving. I would say that you wouldn't want to scare someone in the passenger seat.

Speaker 1 26:07

That's never happened before. I'm pleading the fifth.

Final Thoughts and Takeaways

Speaker 2 26:11

Yeah, but yeah in all, I just mainly agree with what you said on that. I don't really have a whole lot to add to it.

Speaker 1 26:18

Well, I just mainly agree with what you said on that. I don't really have a whole lot to add to it. I've often noticed that sometimes the car ride feels an awful lot like a sitcom episode. Did you ever think about?

Speaker 2 26:27

that the car ride?

Speaker 1 26:27

Oh yes, Definitely. You don't think so how many?

Speaker 2 26:36

crazy things have happened in the car ride. Well, I guess it depends Are you talking if it's a full family or what?

Speaker 1 26:43

Numerous things. I mean it's all sitcom-y.

Speaker 2 26:48

Yeah. In my opinion, Well, yeah, I think that just about wraps it up today, wouldn't you say, scott? Yes, just about wraps it up today, wouldn't you say, scott? Yes, you know, we thank you for being part of this crazy ride.

Speaker 1 27:05

Definitely.

Speaker 2 27:06

And if you have anything to add or a question you want to ask us, please drop us a message. No-transcript.